One of my most notable flaws, is that I see too much good in people. Maybe it was watching too many movies growing up - where everyone got a second chance, ofteng getting what they want most - but I truley believe given the right love and care, people can really be good. Of course there are some exceptions.
I'm trying to figure this website out, hoepfully with time and care it'll look pretty and cute as you read about my experiences with love. Whether you relate, want to share, or just want a quick read of a girls fortunate love life, I hope you remember that I am also human, that I am prone to make mistakes, be in the wrong, or be stupidly blind by *what is* love.
I like to romanticise. Who doesn't? There is so much in the media about love and what it looks like, that my expectations, mixed with my own empathy, causes conflict. What do you mean a man is supposed to pay? But when a sweet boy my age, who works (or doesn't) wants to pay, I can't bring myself to accept it? What do you mean you want to spoil me and take care of me, but when you don't call back immediately I take it as a sign you're not interested?
At the ripe age of 14 years old, I got my "first boyfriend". That lasted two weeks. At the ripe age of 14 and a half, I got back with my "first boyfriend". That lasted 4 months. He was horrible, and I don't mean teenage boy awkardness horrible, I mean he was, and still is, a bad person. I remember hearing from friends at the time that this particular boy, didn't want to show me how much he cared for me (manipulation??? fear??? what a silly boy...), talked poorly about me to his friends, would vivdly describe my body parts to the point where his friends were uncomfortable - there was more, there really was, I just can't recall.
We grew apart, but at the time, given his was my first for quite a few things, don't worry, sex was not on the table at the time, I couldn't let go of him. We became, and you'll soon see a pattern here, 'Friends with Benefits'. This lasted for a few weeks. Up until a party where he assulted my best friend at the time, to which drunk me went rapid and tried to get violent with him. That bestfriend later went on to assult some poor boy 3 weeks later at another party...
Throughout the years, boy 1 was cancelled, frowned upon, and excluded. He found new friends, and that's all I know. I don't think about this boy at all, this isn't a phase in my life that I look back at and laugh about, I just sigh.
At 15 years old, I met better. He was goofy, smart, got along with my friends, was sweet, cute, very teenage dream at the time. However, he had his own mental conflicts. No issues here, we talked, I comforted, as one does, but it got too much for him. He was very "follow-the-leader" type, and the "leader" didn't care much for me anymore. We broke up a few days before New Years. He threw his own small party, the one girl that went, at the time a close friend of mine, went on MDMA. They all did. I found out the next day that my ex, and the friend, hooked up. Now, my ex had no moral obligation to me, was it insensitive? Incredible. But no one explains the heartbreak that comes from a girl finding out her beloved girlfriend betrayed her like that. Truely, I believed such things only happened in the movies. I got closure when the ex and I became FWB...again... Eventually I ended it, after processing what I was doing, I felt disgusted. However, time healed all. The ex dated another friend of mine, to which they were really happy - I was happy for them too! I was so over it and just glad my friend was happy and thriving with someone that treated her well.
This boy, my almost everything, my first love. He was my everything. And I his. But this has to be continued another time.